Just a short note

     Just a short post.  I guess the appt. with Dr. S went well, yesterday.  He said my brain looked healthy, so that was great news.  I was kinda worried, there.  He also said my breathing and talking sounded better, even though I am still so raspy.  It's hard to talk, so I am sorry if I don't answer all phone calls.  Just know that I love you and thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  Hopefully one of these heart meds. will help out a bit more.  I feel stronger by taking small walks, and it's not as much of an effort to breathe.
     I had my second treatment of Abraxane yesterday, and it knocked my down for the day.  It makes you sort of feel like you are full of lead.  Really heavy and hard to move.  I feel better today, and walked around the mall with my Mother in Law and shopped for Sarah.  She is growing so fast.  So tall and thin!
     Rick shaved my head last night, it was really looking horrible.  It feels good to have that mess off of my head and I imagine myself in battle mode now.  Ive got lots of battle scars.  The boys had this X-Wing star fighter toy from StarWars when they were little, and I remember saying"What the heck are all these marks all over the toy?", and they told me "it's battle damage, it makes it cool".  Sometimes I can feel a bit of self pity about all of my scars, I've got quite a few, but I guess it just means I'm cool. (I wish my boys thought that, though)
     I miss my hair, it was looking pretty and my bangs were just starting to grow out, but on the positive side, I do not have to shave my legs, pluck eyebrows, nose hairs, or wax my mustache.  There's a silver lining to every cloud.
     My big brother, Jimmy , is coming down this week, and my Mother and I are so excited.  I can't wait to see him.  I might even ask him to drive me to my wig appt. on Monday.  I'm sure he will be thrilled. ; /
     Well, still achy and but doing okay.  Happy my brain appears clean and Dr. said breathing sounded better, so hopefully that is a sign that the tumors are shrinking.  That's my prayer.  When I get myself a bit more gussied up I will post a picture of my bald head, just for thrills.
     Just to let you know, I am working to keep myself focused on my blessings, and my Heavenly Father. I know He is with me, and has set a race before me, my own personal race track, and my desire is to run it  with all the strength and endurance He gives me. My race track is different than yours or others.  Mine seems to go up hills and around corners and over hurdles, and veer off into the woods.  Somebody else's race track may be a nice loop with some bumps, or other obstacles, but they are all seen by the Lord, and those hurdles and bumps were put there with the OK from The Father, and that is comforting. Many, many other people have a much more difficult track set out before them, than mine, that's for sure.  Nothing enters our live that has not gone through his hands. The good news is, is that we only have to do it a day at a time, and He is with us every step of the way. If you think I am strong, or if there is anything admirable you see in me, there is not.  I am scared, but my Savior gives me the strength and the endurance and the hope to keep on going, truly, He does.  I am leaning on Him very heavily, and He is sustaining me and my family.  Not to be too dour, everyone here is handling things well(except for me, sometimes), but it is our faith in God and His promises, and the salvation He offered us, that gets us through.
     Well, this was not such a short post, but I am done now.  I love all you guys, and thank you for posting responses to my posts.  I love to see what you guys say.  It's weird talking about myself.  Got any ideas I can write about?  Nothing political because I am at a loss on that front.  Anyhoo, going to have some tea, and settle in for the night.

Like I said, Love Ya,
Joann
   

Hair, there, and everywhere

      Well, if you know me or have seen me lately, you know that I have a heck of a lot of hair.  Always have.  Thick curly , frizzy, ... a lot.  Its always pretty dramatic for me when it falls out, but thankfully all my friends and family take it with stride, as they have seen me as Baldylocks before.  You know how it says that God has every hair on your counted?  He's had to do a lot of addition and subtraction with me over the years.  I guess he knows how many are hanging in there, up to the minute.
     It was difficult the first time I lost my hair, because I felt it was a big part of my identity.  Sometimes it drove  me crazy but others times it made me feel beautiful.  When I went bald the first time, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I was so ugly with out it.  I was ashamed.  I didn't realize, or wasn't mature enough to understand that everyone has problems or trials in their life.  Most of the times, you have no idea.  Cancer is different.  Its very visible, and collects a lot of sympathic looks.  Especially when you are walking around with three little kids.
      I've lost it three more times, and it's always hard.  It's not a vanity thing, it's just such a visual thing that you are sick.  Not even from cancer, just from the treatment.  I guess it's a pride thing.
      There's a  lot of teachable moments that go along with the hairloss.  The last time I lost it, I remember being in Charleston, NC, with Sarah, my friend Betty and her daughter.  I usually go scarf less around home or with friends.   We were all out walking the streets and Sarah looked at me and said"why are you wearing a hat Mom, are you embarrassed?"  I told her no, but that my bald head might make someone uncomfortable.  She told me I should not be embarrassed, and it didn't bother her.  So, I thought"great, now I have to step it up and show her how to be strong and not embarrassed".  So I whipped off my hat.. It felt quite liberating.       I don't really know what my point is in this post. I must be getting around to it sometime, here.I think I just wanted to write about it, because, currently, this is what is happening to me.  I have a lot of hair, and it is here, there and everywhere around my house.  This is the current length today, but it's jumping ship quickly.  There has to be something in the Bible about this.
     Well, nothing in the concordance about hair, but I did happening to spot one about groaning.

2Cor 5:1-5
 ¹ For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. ²Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, ³because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.


Well, When I think about that and what is to come, hair is not an issue.  

Prayer request-  I have an MRI of my brain on Wed morning.  Please pray for clean clear brain and for peace during the test and waiting for results which I will receive on Thursday along with my next chemo.  Hopefully my heart meds are working and getting heart stronger.  My cardiologist is prescribing a life vest thing for me in the next week or so.  As always, prayers for my family are so welcomed also, for my children and Rick.  Thank you for your faithfulness in lifting us up to the throne.  Much love, 
Jo



 

As a friend....what can I do (or NOT do)?

Helpful Friends
by Rick (Joann's husband)


In times like these the help of friends and family are invaluable. How we could make it through these times without the generosity of a family member or friend bringing meals, providing a ride, sitting with Joann when she needs companionship while I'm away/at work, or even providing the companionship when I'm running low on the energy and enthusiasm needed (I know it must be shocking to think that I could run low...but I think everyone does)? These things are always appreciated.


Sharing Advice...
This is where things get tricky, and if you're a friend with thin skin you may not like this part. 


Sharing Treatment Advice...
Joann has been fighting with cancer for more than ten years, and you'd be surprised what we've learned about treatments, diagnosis, surgery, insurance, and a multitude of other related topics in that time. But the most important thing we've learned is that this experience is unique to each individual. If statistics were equivalent to prognoses, Joann would not be here today. If a certain medical treatment was the answer, she would already be cured. I say this because of comments similar to this..."Oh, you don't want to do treatment X, that didn't work for me/my wife/my friend/a friend of a friend/etc...You should try treatment Y!". It's pretentious to think you may know more about her particular cancer than she, we, or her doctor does. Even after ten years and dozens of surgeries and treatments, I would not pretend to be able to offer treatment advice. Even if someone simply wanted to know what to expect, I would be careful to caveat everything with "Our experience WAS...your's may be different."


If you've heard of a treatment or trial, share a link. If you've had a good experience with a particular Doctor or facility, feel free to share the experience. Just don't try to diagnose her situation or suggest you know a better treatment for Joann.


Sharing Spiritual Advice....
Both Joann and I are Christians. We believe God is real, is in heaven, and that Jesus is our salvation. We believe the Bible is the word of God, and that when our life is over on this earth, we will go to heaven.


Let me tell you what we don't believe... 
We don't believe that this will be cured if we simply believe/pray/confess enough. We do believe that this will be cured if that is God's will. People have told Joann, "if you're not cured, you must be doing something wrong (spiritually)!". I can't emphasize enough how wrong I feel this is. If someone feels the overwhelming need to tell/email/comment to Joann something like this....DON'T! Tell, or try to convince me and I'll make sure the message gets to the right place.


We respect that others have strong religious/spiritual beliefs that differ from ours, but I would suggest that sending e-mails, messages or even books that are counter to our beliefs, no matter how good the intention, are not well received. I do believe in sharing my faith, as I'm sure others do with theirs, but I believe making those beliefs known and being ready to provide answers to those that are seeking is preferable to providing answers to questions never asked.




Sharing "stuff"....
Joann has shared her needs with friends and family. In fact she asked for, and received, a lot of scarfs and she's been thrilled about it. Gifts are always nice to get, especially at a time like this, and those of you that really know Joann also know this is especially true of her. That said, I've got something for you to consider. I realize that this may make me sound a bit jerky (and can live with that), but if you're thinking of sending/bringing her something I have a few suggestions...


Clothes/blankets/hats/etc.:
Joann is not shy about sharing a need/want/desire with friends (scarfs for example). So if you think of something like this, just remember, our closets are just as overloaded as yours are (I think you know what I'm saying!).

Books/Magazines/etc.:

Joann has so many books in her "Kindle" queue, in various bookshelves and in assorted baskets, that she probably won't finish them until she's 90. And these are the books that she wants to read. If you really must send her something that you want her to read, it would be a good idea to ask if she'd be interested first. We have a few book shelves and they are full...our garage and large storage unit are also full. Are you getting the picture?

Tiny trinkets, sweets and treats, etc.
Now you're thinking...Joann loves this stuff and it doesn't require us to increase the size of our storage unit.


Sharing your feelings...
Outside the topics above...this is always welcome and provides more support than you might think. Telling Joann that you're thinking of her, or praying for her, or missing her, or how much you love her, does wonders. Knowing that people are out there that genuinely love her is powerful emotional medicine. I think sharing both your joy and sadness can help her when she's feeling down and thrown into a situation that seems so difficult, painful, and maybe even lonely. The internet is an amazing tool to bring distant friends/family close. Post comments on her blog, call her on Skype (even better with video), send her a message of support. If you're close by, stop and visit, give her a hug, bring her some yummy chocolate chip cookies (oh wait...that would be me wanting that...she'd prefer the hugs). If you're worried that you'll intrude, don't! If you call or Skype and she can't answer, she won't. If you want to come visit, and call ahead to let her know, she'll tell you if she's not up for it.




Sharing my feelings with you.....
Just so you know...I can be fiercely protective of Joann...especially at times like these. I love her dearly and will do what I need to protect her from the things that don't make her situation better. There are two people that know her better than I do, Joann and God. If you are not one of these two people, then I would hope this post will be insightful (and not too insulting). I want to sincerely thank all of you that have taken the time and effort to be so supportive in all the ways you have. I appreciate it, and I'm sure that Joann does too. 

God Speaks to me, again

     Well, I rushed through the morning today, trying to get myself ready for the day and did not sit and read my devotional or spend any time praying.(not like I am disciplined enough to do it every day, but I am trying). I picked up my devotional and read it quick then put it down, and started to fret about this and that. I should know better.
      Today, Rick and I met with my Heart Dr. and it went fine. Upping some meds to try to get heart beating stronger, and talked about some sort of life vest for me to wear, should i have a heart attack(yikes)that will shock me back to life. Also, talking about limitations and confirming what Rick has been telling me about what I am able to do around the house, which is not much of anything.
      Let me just say. Rick looks irrestible when he is vacuuming. But I can take short walks so the dogs will be happy.
      Whoa is me, poor me, sniff, cry cry.Blah.
      Im not a great housekeeper, but it's my job. Well, trying to get out of my funk. Yes, the hair is falling out and my neighbor, Kimberly , graciously offered to give it a trim so I don't have to tug on it so often.             Ok, so here I am now.Felt a little bad, then I picked up my devotional that I raced through this morning.    

      May I write it out for you??? Thank you. Here goes.
      It may apply to your life as well. Its from Jesus Calling

Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. Do not spoil these quiet hours be wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Some of the greatest works in My Kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells.  Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me.
Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you.  Do not despise these simple easy ways of serving Me. Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms.  My strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness
Zech 2:13,Is30:15, 2Cor 12:9
   
       I really wish I sat with that this morning.  I know it would've helped me this am and pm.  Does this devotional relate to you life at all.  Probably somehow.  I think we all go through periods of time when we  just have to be still.  Im having a tough time figuring out how to serve Him during this time.  And I think the "despise" jumped out at me.  If you have time to look up the scripture that was noted at the end of the devotional, you will read the Lords words about these situations.  Do we all go through these periods of feeling helpless, or useless, or whatever.  Yes, think we do.  I know that God does not find us helpless or useless.  He uses every moment and trial in our life to use for us, to refine us, but to also glorify Him. I am walking very close with Him, but I walk to be closer and have that quiet trust.
I'm working on it.
     So on a positive not, my hair looks cute and don't know how long it will hang in there but I am in battle mode now.  Thank you for reading my blog.  I don't have a lot of wise words, I just sort of blab with my fingers, but it helps to get thoughts out.
      I will let you know when I get my vest.  Rick wonders if it comes with a big red test button on the front.  Maybe he can try it out first.
      What was I talking about?
       Well, good night for now, going to have a cup of peppermint tea and get nightgown on.  I think I need to post more pictures.  Maybe tomorrow.  No Dr. appts for 6 days. Yay.
Much love to everyone.

Joann PS, I have to include cute pictures, I'm such a sucker. Send me your cute pictures if you have any. I love Kathy S's pictures of Chewy.

No post tonight.  Kind of tired  When I need a pick me up, I go to www.Cuteoverload.com
Here's what i found today.
Slow Loris'
I dont think you can watch the whole thing, but it's cute.
I will update after i go to Heart Doc tomorrow  Hopefully he will be able to help with breathing and energy issues.
Love Joann

A Big Thank You

Blogging about myself is weird, so let me take this opportunity to say thanks.
 Thanks to my Mom, Joan, and Mother in Law, Carol, who have been with me every spare minute they can, loving
 Thanks to all my friends who been holding me up in their prayers Thanks for the phone calls and Flowers and baskets of fruit
Thanks for the yummy meals that our family has been receiving Thanks for just sitting(Betty, Moms IN touch Ladies) with me waiting for Dr apps
Thanks (SueW) for the container of beautiful headscarfs. That was very thoughtful
Thanks for all of your fond thoughts and happy sayings. Its so nice to be loved.
 Thanks for walking this road, once again with me.
 This does not cover all of the things I am thankful for.
 I should and could go on and on. It's going to be a long road and here are a few more things I am thankful for:
Thank you Lord for listening to my prayers
Thank you for restoring and strengthening friendships
Thank you Lord, for bringing friends to be with me by my side
Thank you, Lord for my Dr's and Nurses who take care of me and the medicine I am able to receive Thank you Lord, for providing everything I need
 Thank you Lord for being with me when I cry and calming me down
Thank you Lord, for speaking to me through your word, my family and friends
Thank you Lord, that I do not have to fear, because you are with me and strengthen me
Thank you Lord, for the eleven years since my diagnosis. That I have been strong and am able to watch my children grow.
Thank you for my husband, and the way you love him, and the way you strengthen him. I love that guy Thank you, Lord, for my salvation and thank you for using me and refining me.
Thank you Lord, for never leaving me, always keeping your promise and loving me so much
 That was a mushy post, I know, but I am thankful and I love the Lord and all of you. If I forgot anything, feel free to add on.

I wish I was a little more interesting

Both dogs on bed as I type.Passed out

 Gee, I wish I was a little more interesting. I can't think of a whole lot to write about today.
 This is for my friend, Betty, who requested more paragraph breaks in my posts.
 Quiet day, and a tad apprehensive, because, you see, I have some results coming on Monday. I am apprehensive about them. I am tired of saying"scared", or "worried". It seems like a big chunk of the hard part is over. Apprehensive just about sums it up.
 I think this is overkill on the paragraph breaks.
 Like I said, a quiet day. I gave Sarah's hair a trim and it came out quite uneven but I think I can fix it. Rick did almost all of the laundry today because I am on some restrictions for my heart( :> ).
 I don't really understand why, yet, but the Lord has been leading me to Matthew 14 and 15 for the last month. I have been thinking a lot about the Apostle Peter. I really like him. He was a big , strong, fisherman on Galilee and followed Jesus, with his brother Andrew. It says "immediately" they left their nets and followed Him. Amazing.
 One of the reasons I really like Peter is because He was such an all or nothing guy. He made a lot of mistakes, suffered from foot in mouth issues, but he sure did love the Lord. My favorite thing that happened between Peter and Jesus is after Jesus was resurrected, it is described in the Gospel Of John21. Well, while the fisherman went out at night to fish and caught nothing, in the morning they were still out there and this guy that they did not recognize asked them if they caught anything, they said no, and the guy tells them to throw their net on the other side of the boat, right? And they do(obedient), and like 152 fish are in the net. Then the disciples realized it was the Lord(I don't know why they didn't before), but as soon as John said it was him, good old Peter jumps right in the water to run to Him. Somehow I love that. Then it says that Peter pulled the net full of fish to shore(by himself I think), he was very strong.
 I love that Jesus already had a fire going on the beach and some bread handy. He was going to cook them breakfast! Serving them. I love that. Now, they had already seen Him after the resurrection, but I think it was much more dramatic than just showing up on the beach sitting down cooking. I love how the Holy Lord, the Risen Christ can be so personal, too. He also took a little time to have a private conversation with Peter to allow Peter to repent for denying him on the night he was imprisoned. I could go on and on about stuff Peter did. I also love that he was the one who tried to protect Jesus from the guards when he was being arrested.but I digress and I just noticed that there are no paragraph breaks. 

Anyhow, Jesus gave Peter a little one on one to apologize, repent, or something for denying Him three times. Each time Peter did it, Jesus knew Peter was denying Him even though He was not with Peter when he did it. Another pointer to show that Jesus was fully man, but fully God. And so loving. He knew Peter's heart. I tend to think many of the other Apostles hid somewhere, took off to who knows where, but Peter stayed sort of close to the happenings at Caiaphases'(SP) house. Anyway, it's in John 21, and you should read it. It's pretty neat. I can relate to Peter because I say a lot of stupid things, I ay try to downplay my faith or my love for Him because it's difficult to talk about in some circumstances. I remember doing it a few times, but I love Him dearly and would jump out of a boat to run to Him. I'd really like Him to make breakfast for me on a beach. That would be the best breakfast ever, and I bet He would have hot coffee , too!
 When Rick and I were in Israel we were on a beach on the Galilee that very likely could've been the same spot. I brought some shells home and the are by my bed.Rambling...
 I don't know what my point is in this post, but when I opened my Bible a scripture in Matthew was facing me. I hope you can take time to read the story in John about Peter but here is the scripture that stood out to me.
 These are the words of Our Lord from the Gospel of Matthew 13, when He is talking about the parable of the four soils, but these words are poignant because I don't always have the right understanding of scripture.
 Matthew 13:10-15 New International Version (NIV)
 10 The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?” 11 He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12 Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 13 This is why I speak to them in parables: “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. 14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’[a]

 My prayer for you and me is that we will have eyes to see, and ears to hear the words and miracles of Christ.Sometimes when we read the Bible, it all seems like"blah, blah, blah" Next time, take a second and ask God to open your eyes and your ears to what He is saying. If you truly want to understand the text, He will give you those eyes and ears. Next time at church when the Pastor or Priest is getting ready for his sermon, pray that you can hear what the Lord is trying to tell you. He will give you understanding in your heart as well.
 Try it. Much Love, Jo

Getting Ready For Pet Scan

Getting ready for PET scan. Leaving all the worries to God, or trying to at least. Looking forward to a relaxing ? weekend. Thank you for you prayers.

BoyCotting

I have to apologize if I look a mess when you see me next time. I have decided to boycott hair products and eyebrow tweezers. I am a serious makeupish and hair productish kind of girl. Ever heard of the Spin Brush? It's awesome, tames frizzes in a jiffy, even in Fl. But I am having a crisis and I don't like doing my hair anymore. Nor do I like tweezing the eyebrows, the lip area i will keep groomed, but ThatS IT! Its all going to fall out soon, and the stinker is the mustache is usually the last to go and the first to come back. Anyway, my hair is so thick and curly, frizzy, I just don't have the strength and the eyebrows, well, sometimes two or three of them will stick around for the whole bout of chemo, so I am saving each one. I'm not tugging or pulling an more than necessary, so you will probably see me in a scarfy headband and a clip, with a unibrow. Im pretty tense tonight, about tomorrow test. The PET scan shows any other cancerous activity in my body by way of a nuclear dye. I have scanxiety. The machines scare me. They are big, and whir around you, and everyone else skeedaddles out of there so they don't get nuked. Of course the big issue will be the results that we receive on Monday. I know I'm not supposed to worry. God has got it all settled, whatever way, and He is with me, but it's scary. Well, poor Rick is sick but he is going with me to my appt, and Betty will drive me home. I can't drive because my ticker is not tocking very strong. Let me mention my awesome kids, Jimmy Charlie and Sarah. They are so cool and handling things very well. they are starting to pick up the slack around here and are helping to keep things calm. I love them. But they know it. The nice thing is they love each other. Thats pretty cool. So, In closing, don't look too close at the eyebrow-and if you happen to see any pretty scarfs, let me know. I've lost my hair three times and usually donate or toss them all when I'm done with chemo, so I'm on the hunt again. I'm hitting they hay. i listen to my dramatized Bible on my iPod when I have a difficult time sleeping. I think I will listen to Matthew tonight. God has been giving me lots of scriptures from Matthew this month. Chapters 13 and 14. Its dramatized with different actors and sounds effects so its kind of exciting. well thats it for tonight. I'll post some picts of tomorrows procedure. They use a huge needle.Yuck. /Thank you for reading and the scripture you are sending me to lift my spirit. I love you. Over and Out, Jo
OH PS I received some beautiful flowers from my sister, Dawne today, and fruit basket from my friend, Joanna.  Nice surprises.  And all of the dinners have been so wonderful.  What a relief and a blessing.  So thank you for all the help and love'.  Im treasuring it all in my heart as I am treasuring your prayers.
Love again

Back Home

th

Here is a picture of me this morning. Rick took it. I think he thought he was being funny or something. Everything went well today but it wasn't as simple as I thought it would be, and it was chilly. I required many warmed blankets(such a diva, I am). The procedure was actually sort of neat to watch. I could see the Dr shoving the wire in my leg and watch it at the same time on the monitor. Kinda gross but Kinda neat, too. I am getting used to this new keyboard, so please pardon all typos, as I am too lazy to go back and fix them. After the procedure I was supposed to lay perfectly flat, not move my head or leg for 30 minutes, then I could sit-up a bit but still not move. Am I boring anyone with the details? Rick had to get back to work after an hour of staring at me, Mom and Mom in law sat with me for a while longer. i just sort of stared at a corner in the room. i don't think the "I don't care juice " had worn off yet. Do you mind me recounting everything to you? Well, I'm in bed and not tired yet so, I/m going to continue typing. Feel free to tune out. Anyway, boy, after all that saline, did I have to go! This huge bag of IV saline and I could not move. What was I to do? I had three more hours to stay still. Have you ever heard of a female Urinal. If someone offers one to you, stay away from it. It's a silly thing. By this time it was just me and my Mom. I tried to sleep while she knitted. the clicking of her knitting needles was very comforting,but , boy did I have to go. Wow, does God know how to humble a girl when she can't get up. After a couple of tries and lots of running water down the sink I claimed victory, so relieved, and slept for an hour. TMI? Get used to it. This is how I roll. After more warm blankies, and a bit more of snoozing I got to do victory laps around the heart floor, get dressed and go home.YAAY. Then it hit me, restrictions! No lifting, no pulling or pushing, no driving, blah, blah, blah. And a PET scan to look forward to on fri. I just want to say how incredibly thankful and blessed I feel to have loved ones(whether I know you or not, you are a loved One) praying for me. As the ladies in the Calvary Hospital Ministry reminded me today(Hi Phyllis) that Moses had to keep his hands raised with the staff in it while the Israelites were fighting the....Amalikites? When the staff was raised the Israelites were winning the battle. Then the staff got too heavy for Moses to hold it up so his arms would lower the staff and the Israelites started losing the battle. Alongside Moses came Aaron and Hur, and helped him hold the staff up over his head. The israelites were victorious. Theres a lot too that story. but, what I want you to know is that I can not keep my hands up all the time and I appreciate you coming alongside me to help me win this battle. I can't do it without the Lord, but I think He likes it when we help each other. I know some tough days are coming. I don't know how things will turn out. But I know that I will be victorious, I know that I am victorious.. PLease remind me of that if I get blue, because you know I will. Our night is ending quietly, with me getting scolded for trying to lift things, kids playing in their room, Rick has got a cold, dogs passed out from laying around all day, and God blessing us richly. Love to all, and thanks for all the goodies and prayers Jo

waiting

Just sitting here in the heart wing waiting.  We had to get here super early, but now we have to wait for a while because the Dr. had an emergency.  Im in my little hospital gown and footie socks.  Lovely.  Rick is sick and looks worse than I do, but he has his coffee.  Nothing else to do while I sit here.  I'm really anxious to get this show on the road. Nothing at all interesting to say.  taking it one step or day at a time.  Man this is boring, and this blanket is so thin. Oh, the other thing was found out I have two groins.  I only thought you had a like a groin area.  the nasty detail is that they came at me with a razor to shave em!
Gross! Sorry, but there isn't anything going on.  Oh, and one of the nurses came in and starting talking a bout breast cancer stuff.  Sheesh, not a way to put the patient at ease.  Oh well, I have a baditude this morning I suppose.

God has got it but sometimes I feel like I'm losing it

Sometimes I can't wrap my mind around what is going on. I don't want to. I did go to Women of Hope last night. It's a small group, at our church, for women who have had cancer and are in different points in their treatment or recovery. It was a wonderful group, I will continue going. It's funny how such a difficult diagnosis or topic being discussed can make a bunch of girls find humor in things and start laughing. I felt bolstered up their strength and attitude. But that only lasted til I woke up this morning. You know the story about how God provided manna for the Israelites in the desert everyday. If they didn't pick it up everyday they would go hungry and if they picked up too much, to try to save it for the next day , it would go all nasty? Well, let's just say I didn't pick up my manna today. I didn't have myDaily Bread so to speak. I didn't take time this am because I was feeling sorry for myself. Big stinkin deal, I had to have blood draw for a stinkin heart cath. I didn't get my manna. I thought I would just try to handle today on my own and it doesn't work. The only thing I got done was one load of laundry. I'm venting, I'm allowed, right? So what do I do now. Kids will be home soon. How do I suck it up, and not spend the rest of the day on the sofa? I'm getting up off of the sofa(typing on iPad so its portable) Ok, I found my bible. Where do I look , where do I turn? Nope, I don't want to open it. Wait a sec. Just found devotional from last night. Psalm 139:13-18. You can look it up, but the last 2 verses jumped out at me Ps139:17-18 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered. I can't even count them;they out number the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! I'm telling you, I did not plan that. I woke up with tears this morning, but He was there. He is always there. He talks to me through His word, a friend, a song, sometimes quietly, or sometimes with something really cool. But, even when I don't call for Him, or I turn my back to Him, or shut Him out, He is still there,thinking about me. What an amazing Lord. I think I'll go brush my hair, and go get my little girl from school, and think about Him,thinking about me.

God was not surprised

God was not surprised when I was at the Dr. last week and he told me the cancer had moved to my lungs, but I was...I suppose. I tend to turn a blind eye to lots of things in my life I don't want to deal with , and cancer is the biggest one. Yes, it's back and I'm at a loss. I started chemo last wed, I think , and have a heart cath this wed because my heart is worn out from chemo and Herceptin. I am so sad, but not crushed. I keep having this picture of Jesus sitting beside me, and my plate is full of worries, things, cancer , troubles, tests, results, chemo, weakness, then I look at His plate and it is clean,empty, and he scoops up my plate, and scrapes all the stuff onto His. I have to hang onto that picture. I have to hang onto the lovely promises in His word and the beautiful things He has shown me on this path. The Blessings. My lovely family from husband to children, to Mom, Mother in law and father in law, and brothers and sisters that I am getting to know again. Blessings. And peace. Friendships he has restored.
Rick was gone on a business trip halfway around the world when I received the news from my Dr. A few days before , I thought to myself"how can I bear bad news without him beside me?". I felt the Lord tell me, I will be with you, and I can give you the peace and comfort Rick cannot. I want to be the one that you turn to first. I want you to find comfort in and trust in and cling to. Although my Mom and Mother in law were with me, it was the promise of Christ's love and salvation that caused me to be able to handle the news. And still does every minute. I won't get into details,mbut things aren't that rosey, not yet, but better days are coming. They always do. I'm in a valley, and I see the sunny hilltop. I'm on my way there, just holding onto my Savior with all that I have, resting and letting him clear my plate. I love you. Here's a scripture sent to me today
It's probably familiar but so beautiful
Psalm 62:5-8
Find rest my soul, in God alone,
My hope comes from Him
He alone is my rock and my salvation
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken
My salvation and my honor depend onGod
He is my mighty rock, my refuge
Trust in Him at all times, O people
Pour out your hearts to Him
For God is our refuge.

I am so blessed that I am not doing this alone, and I'm not talking about family, I'm talking about the Lord. I can't imagine going thru this without Him.
I'll keep blogging if you guys want. I don't want to post personal things on FB
Love you again. Ps. Please pray for a good heart cath on Wednesday and a clear PET scan onfri morning, and for peace thru those scans. Over and out,
Love, Jo